No matter what you have been told about dating married Man, the truth is, you are setting yourself up for a heartbreak. No married man is ever worth it at the end of the of day. I know because I was “the other woman” for about four years. Married women hate my kind; not that I blame them but having said that,it does take two to tango. I am not holding the forth for anyone but I doubt if anyone ever deliberately sets out herself to date married man when she can be the wife herself….. It’s just circumstances and being the other woman is an exercise in futility. The only one having fun in this game is the man himself and please take it from me, these lying and cheating men may have you thinking you are unhappy at home and all that, nerve for one minute think they’re going to leave their wives for you because they won’t. There was never one time a Man left his wife for his” other woman ” and after 18 months for yet another woman. Being the other woman is a painful, traumatic and vicious experience where you become a victim of your emotions as well as a pawn in the hands of the man you have not hold over, although he has your heart in his hands and manipulates it to suit his needs. Hell, they said, has no fury like a woman scorned but in case I was scorned and could to absolutely noting about it except lick my wound. Three years later kunle left or rather abounded me. I still found myself bitter. Oh! The pain of rejection is best not experienced at all; but left me just to say its like someone twisting a knife into your heart and not letting go of the knife so you can at least be free of the pain. I still hurt and the fact that all the other men that tried to date me are also married has not helped in any way. I have been tempted to accept advances from other married men but I know better than that.
The painful truth about my story is that at the time kunle and I met and began to build our “relationship”, his wife of 11years lived abroad with their three children. It was so convenient for us to carry out our illicit affairs, as his wife only came home at Christmas,What that meant was that I was on my own all through Christmas. It was agonizing me but it only a matter of two weeks before his family went back and I was back as “the wife”, although I was pretty much on my own as far as such thoughts were concerned. Kunle promised me noting more than what we have.
Looking back now it is obvious that he also had no respect for me. He once asked me why no man has asked for my hand in marriage and I had simply ignored him. The cheek of it! Even in the heat of passion when men whispered “I love you” to even prostitutes, Kunle never for once said he loved me no matter how I cajoled him to say so. One night I held him off as he tried to make love to me,asking him that poignant question; “Kunle, do you love me at all”? I was very anxious for his response as I looked into his eyes, almost begging him to whisper in the affirmative but he did no such thing. I burst into tears hoping to blackmail him into saying it but he just began to flick the channels irrespective of my tantrums.
What difference would that make? I asked myself. I am not sure if it would have made any but I just wanted to hear him say it. Finally, he slept off on the sofa while I drank myself to sleep. Sometime in the night, he joined me on the bed and we made love without any verbal communication. Morning came and he left me a gift…money in forex for my travel. It always was his way of compensating me after every disagreement. He was a generous man who was stingy with his emotions but I loved him and that was a big issue as I wandered for how long I would stay in a relationship with someone else’s husband. When he was with me,his heart was with his wife and kids. I was, at the end of the day, nothing more than a sleeping partner and that hurts.
I didn’t have to wonder how much longer Kunle and I would stay together because one morning he casually announced his wife was returning home in a couple of five days as their children were better settled in boarding houses abroad…
It was a bombshell and kunle’s reaction that it will not change anything between us was no comfort at all especially as he just gradually but but steadily spaced me out. I would call and he would ignore me. This went on till about three weeks until one day,out of desperation I walked into his office pretending I was a client.
If I thought he was going to make some flimsy excuses to justify his behavior, he did no such thing; instead the idiot barked at me.
“What’s the meaning of this Bulky”? he retorted with undisguised irritation.
” Why are you treating me like this Kunle, what have I done to deserve this?” I muttered, half crying by now.
“Look,my wife is back and we have to separate for a while; that’s all I ask!”
“Why didn’t you pick up the phone to tell me that?” I asked, relieved that he only wanted us to be more cautious and that he was not throwing me away like I never mattered.?
Unfortunately, I found out that I was being thrown away like garbage, not because his wife was back but because someone else had taken my place. He had been too- timing me with the girl who worked in his office. I had asked him about her once bvt he had denied it.
Kvnle never got in touch with me again. The day I saw him at his office was the last time we spoke to each other. We lived in a small town and soon I saw him and his wife who returned home about a year after kunle used her as excuse to break up with me. The two_timing bad****. The few times I saw him at events he just looked through me like a mirror. I was so hurt that I sent him all manner of abusive texts and sent letters to his office hoping his wife would find one of them and walk out on him. That was childish but at that time of my life I was anything but grown up. I cried me a river and avoided all my friends because I didn’t want anyone asking questions about my loss of weight and drawn look. The sad thing was kunle never got in touch ever, not even when I lied in a text that I was pregnant . How he must have laughed at that!
I was so devastated, I felt used and dumped but I knew that I used him too, I also was not denial about the spinoffs of dating a married man, and just couldn’t believed kunle would spit me out like a bad taste after all we shared ( sex for which I got paid!) I finally understood why he couldn’t say I LOVE YOU.
I was 40 a few weeks ago and one promise I have made to myself is that no man will ever drag me down and step all over my emotions like kunle did. I owe it to myself to be dignified even in defeat if you decide to walk that path of dating married man, do be prepared for the heartaches that comes with it. According to a psychologist;men cannot love two women at the time, so if he were to love anyone at all it would be his wife and you will always be the other woman, concubine or mistress; and your job darling? To WARM HIS BED.